The Life and Death of a Pumpkin

Poor lil' fella.

Sketchy Blues

Sketchy Guard

Sketchy Duel

Sketchy Ice Creams

Show Me a Day

"Show me a day when the world wasn't new." Sister Barbara Hance (1928-1993)

I stole my aunt's new year's resolution.
"I resolve to be more playful and spontaneous...now that I'm turning X years old, I don't want to lose that," Aunt Sarah said.
Little did she know that this exact sentence would be my new motto for 2010 inserting my age for hers (no, I won't tell you how old she is, suffice it to say that she looks about 30).

Another dear friend, Laura, sent me a very spontaneous Web site in and of itself: stumbleupon.com—I could spend a week "stumbling" upon new Web sites that remind me that, indeed, "everything you can imagine is possible." (Thank you Pablo Picasso.)

Here are some AMAZING things that stumbleupon found for me:

Hilarious

A reminder that we have seen so little of what can be seen in this world

Play

Create (speaking of Picasso...)

Work with what you've got

Beautify (I like the wheelbarrow best.)

Five Great Things Friday

My cheap $10 earbuds look like a chihuahua got to them and outright unsafe as the plastic bits are clumping off (let's hope not in my ear!) so I went online to try to find a quality pair for cheap and here are some of the fun earbuds I found:
1)
Ah-dorable, I'm totally digging this tongue-in-cheek set (I wonder if the angel side is louder??).

2)
Too punky for me, but I do love these.

3)
Will these make my ears fat?

4)
I am LOVIN' these! But at $52 a pop, they're over my budget by about $32. I like these best, but I wouldn't say no to...

5)...these! YES PLEASE! For someone who doesn't have pierced ears, I'm thinking some genuine diamond ear bling is still within reach thanks to these babies.
Here's another pair, these would cost $3k...small price to pay for music, right? Sure.

Five Great Things Friday

I've got some great videos for you today, enjoy!
Also, don't give up on Love Field in the middle, finish it!

Western Spaghetti
I absolutely love things like this that remind me to never stop using my imagination.


Black Hole


Open Doors
This is from a classic story called Open Window, and old favorite and I liked this rendition of it on film.


Love Field
Let's do the (plot) twist!


Signs
So stinkin' cute.

Um, 10 Hilarious Things Thursday??

I'm only posting the graphs that made me graph out loud...er, I mean laugh outloud.

This was me last night.

May or may not also have been me last night.





Or hangnails.

Ha! I love the outlier.

Both??

Or, in my case, "send" (as in sending to a client or my superior...and pretty much everyone I work with is higher up than me).

Five Great Things Friday—Vote!

Vote for your favorite tee!!

I can already feel my quarter-life crisis creeping up on me and part of it is the conviction that I'm not too crusty to wear cheeky tees (a la college students...hey, they can be worn off campus, right?).

Anyway, I'm buying a snorgy tee one way or another but I can't decide which one. Take a peek at this week's five great things/tees and let me know which you like best.

The Spider that Went for a Ride

It's uncanny; if I park on the west side of the parking lot, I always have to clear out spider webs built up between my car and the one next to it and hope that the spider still isn't present. But if I park on the east side, no spiders or webs. Do you think I ever get home in time to catch the east-side spots? Of course not.

I'd learned my lesson early on last year. Orb weavers season begins in August and can extend well into winter here since we don't have frosts. Super. One morning last fall, walking to my car with my head down, finding the right key on the ring, I passed between my car and the next as my body pulled a huge spider web from its moorings, coating my face and arms in silk. I screamed in as undignified a manner as you might imagine and, somehow, it seemed logical that I chuck my purse as far away from me as possible. What probably looked to be a seizure, I high-kneed it to the middle of the parking lot and used my hands to wipe off every bit of skin exposed to the offending web.
When I finally regained some composure, I spotted my purse, which had bounced off the bank of bushes in front of my car, spilling all its contents, including my broken jar of apple sauce trailing out of it by the driver's door. I hugged my body and couldn't stop the sob that rose in my throat from the sheer injustice of being assaulted by my greatest fear before 8 A.M.

But this isn't about last autumn.
This is about yesterday.

Objects in the Mirror May Be Closer than They Appear
I groggily shuffled to my car yesterday morning and after spending a blissful five days away from my home and car, several large webs had built up between my car and the one next to it which, evidently, had taken the weekend off too. I searched for lingering spiders in the webs and seeing none, began to swipe and kick at the vacant webs making girly grunts of disgust as I went. I finally cleared the path between the cars and approached the driver's door. I inserted a pen into the space between the handle of my car and the car door where spiders absolutely love to hide, clicked it around to make sure it was safe to open, and got in. The interior of a car is almost always safe from spiders, sharply contrasting with the outside which seems to attract every one from a mile away.
I started the car and began my groggy but short drive to work. I checked my right rearview mirror to change lanes and gasped as I noticed a huge spider right in the middle of it. When I came to a stop light I moved the lever that adjusts that outside mirror from the inside. I handled the button like a joystick but the spider just lazily crawled to the corner of the mirror and picked at its web nonchalantly.
I was pissed. I hate spiders. And I hate mornings. I revved my engine and took off as fast as my in-line four engine would let me. I took my eyes off the road to watch the spider go flying off the mirror but not off the car! Connected by an invisible thread it was flying next to the window making the faintest "tap...tap" as the wind whipped at it, knocking it against the car. It was big enough that I could watch its eight legs flail behind its bulbous body. When I reached a stop light, I stopped as hard as I could, safely. It smacked against the mirror with another faint tap and began scrambling wildly all around the perimeter of the mirror building a stronger web as quickly as it could.
(NOTE: this is not an actual photograph of the event, it's a reenactment on paper as produced by the witness.)
I admit, I was a little impressed. I almost wondered if I should drive a little less erratically and just let the little stowaway have a free ride. I imagined getting pulled over and trying to explain to the police that I was trying to lose the big spider creeping me out on the rear view mirror outside my car. The light turned and I drove as I usually would and the spider again, went flying though not as wildly as before. When I came to the next stop light it swung forward under and over the mirror landing comically with another tap on the top of the mirror. It slowly dragged its body back to the middle of the mirror and sat still for a moment. It wandered a little to the left, changed its mind. A little to the right, stopped. Then suddenly, it just dropped. I lunged for the passenger seat to see where it went, barely keeping my foot on the brake, but it was gone. It had just said "Forget this noise!" and let go.
Truth be told, I hope it died. However, if it did miraculously survive, I imagine he had a pretty good story to tell the other spiders about how one morning it went for a ride.

I didn't even realize it, but last week's "Five Great Things Friday" was my 100th post! So thanks for reading!

Five Great Things Friday...Early

1) I think these are simultaneously hilarious and gross.
"Bacon...Mother Nature's Remedy"


2) This is the only kind of Rubik's cube I would ever play with, the real deal drives me bananas—but as pepper mills, they're brilliant.


3) No one will ever steal your sandwich again when they're in these bags!


4) Gahahahaha, this is hilarious! I love this and I would totally give it as a gag gift or at a white elephant party! (Look at the note the guy is writing in the picture)


5) Be kind to animals, I want to get this for my next apartment and hang my jewelry from it.

Five Great Things Friday

Today I'm celebrating kid's PBS in honor of Reading Rainbow's last day on air ever. Tragic, seriously saddened by this. Do you remember the old school theme song? "Butterfly in the sky, I can go twice as high..." and the kids turned into royalty, then astronauts, then discoverers? The little harpsichord "Baaah bowm bum!" at the end of each book talk? Sigh...
At least Sesame Street is still going strong, hurrah! Here's five great things from Sesame street. My mom's favorites are always the aliens discovering things, so the first video is in honor of her.

"Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, boing, boing, boing, boing."


"A, B, C, D, E, F, wait, what?"


"What happened, Arrow?"

Sesame Street - Muppet and Kid Moments : Follow the Arrow

From 1969, completely classic.


"Why’d ya lost your paperclips?"

Love Can Suck When You're an Octopus

Improv Everywhere

Don't ask "Why?" ask "Why not?"

High Five.


Freeze.

Sing.


Shed.

Monster size vinyl bladder. Fantastic.

Pet Peeves, Vexations, and Bete Noires

What pushes you over the edge? I'm a tolerant(ish) person, but there are simply some things in this world that are not to be borne:

1) Cotton balls. I tried to post a picture for this, but when I got to google images and saw ALL those cotton balls, I about died. Seriously, unbidden, shudder after shudder went through my body and I as soon as I had control of myself I navigated away from the page. They leave little icky cottony filmys behind and when you squeeze them (another shudder) they go "eeeee-er eeeeee-er." UGH, I can't stand it. As a practical joke in high school, my "friends" filled my locker with cottonballs, I had to miss my next class while I got a teacher to help me throw them away. I'm a little better now, I can touch them if they're saturated thoroughly with water or nail polish remover or if I absolutely have to, rolling around in my palm but never actually holding them between my fingers (I know people who have a similar reaction to popsicle sticks).
2) Not knowing what language I'm listening to. There are roughly 6,500 languages spoken in the world today, and despite the fact I can only recognize a tiny fraction of those, it drives me BANANAS to not know without a doubt what language I'm hearing.
3) Here are the big road-rage inducers: people who don't turn right on red when it's permissible (ah!), people who leave their signals on so you have NO idea when/if they're going to turn (ah!!), and the coup de grace, people who signal one way then turn the other (ah!!!).
4) Luke-warm coffee (or luke warm anything, for that matter).
5) Discovering you definitely wore the wrong shoes for the occasion but having no way of knowing that when you were dressing.
6) Waking up with your whole arm asleep, a charlie horse, or with hair in your face.
7) Sneezing just after/while applying masacara.
8) JUST settling under the covers, propped up with a good book, cracking it open, then being blindsided by sleepiness when all you want to do is read.
9) Folding a fitted sheet...is an oxymoron.
10) Hearing the word "Anyways." I'm usually good about not taking my wordsmithing out of the office to the point of judging, but PEOPLE, it's "Anyway." "Anyways" isn't a word. I promise.

That's all! I'm actually having a very good day, but it's not bad to air out one's pet peeves every now and then, even if they give you a reputation for acting like this guy:

Have a peeve-free day!

Defining Asinine (see Washington)

I'm not taking this quietly.
White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs quiets a reporter's lighthearted comment about earmarks during the daily briefing Tuesday at the White House.

I try really hard not to get political on my blog, but I about spit out my cornflakes when I heard this on the news this morning. Part of the $410B spending bill proposed by Obama includes $200,000 for tattoo removal services for a small Californian program. Removing a black and white tattoo can cost $50 per square inch, more if colored and large often requireing several treatments.

Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn said it best, "I would think under a personal-responsibility platform, if you were responsible for getting a tattoo put on you, you might ought to be responsible for getting it taken off, and I do not think our grandchildren ought to be paying for it."

I mean, seriously? You and I are paying for Joe-Dumbass to get his tattoo removed? Of all the earmarks that are ticking me off these days, this is the worst. I realize that to Washington, $200,000 isn't that much but I can tell you that a figure like that would make a world of difference to a family who's losing a house, a single mom whose food stamps aren't cutting it, or someone struggling just to afford his or her cancer treatment.

Now, it's true that this nun-founded, Hollywood-based clinic requires its clients (often former gang members trying to clean up their act and their skin—I've got no problem with that) to do about 48 hours of community service, but that's a hell of a killing for two full days of work, getting three free treatments. The program also helps other states.

This isn't how government spending should work, for example, I'm an overweight woman, so maybe I could petition that an earmark be added so the government could pay for my gym membership! It doesn't seem to matter that my choices made me this way, you guys wouldn't mind paying for me, would you? Oh wait, I'm not actually asking. You don't have a choice. That's how it works, right? Maybe I'll do a little community service to help pay for it.

I'd even consider softening up if we were taking about holocaust victims who had a tattoo forced on them or if I were a woman with a thyroid problem and had no control over my weight issues. This, however, is not the reality. These are cosmetic expeditures that are better undertaken by the individuals who had a choice and have a responsibility to help themselves if they want to see change.

I'm also thrilled to be a non-voluntary contributor, giving $1.9 million for the Pleasure Beach water-taxi service in Connecticut, $300,000 to commemorate the 150th anniversary of John Brown's raid on the arsenal at Harpers Ferry National Historical Park in West Virginia and $238,000 for the Polynesian Voyaging Society of Honolulu, which runs sea voyages in ancient-style sailing canoes.

Polynesian Voyaging Socieity of Honolulu. This has GOT to be a joke.

All this after Obama promised to avoid earmarking where possible. I support him as our presidential figure but I am sincerely hoping that his decision-making prowess improves before we all have to pay for more pet projects.

(Ben, it's not personal, it's politics.)

Facts and photos coming from http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/politics/2008838701_earmarks11.html

Thanks to the Cake Wreckorater

One more, one more; this one was just too good not to post. I about died laughing. Thanks cakewrecks.blogspot.com!



We really do love you, Freymoto.

Better in Buttercream

Last year I brought you all cakes from a contest held next door to my apartment, this year, right in time for Valentine's Day, I bring you cake wrecks. http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
I have discovered the most magnificent blog ever: Cake Wrecks. It's a blog all about cake disasters, almost all of them professional cakes. Here are my absolute favorites (I thought I was going to fall out of my chair laughing).

First, let's take a moment for the typo cakes:



Yes. Happy Valentenis Day everyone.




Then just a few bonus gems:


There are no words.

Look Ma! A precious hunting wedding cake for my sister, I mean, for my wife and me! Shucks, thems deers sure are sweet (Ben, I'm thinking of you and our summer of Cabela's-inspired greeting card line we created).

Laura, this one's for you—no one can carry a child into this world with more love and devotion than Vader.