Wednesday, February 6, 2008

How am I? How I am.

After a dreary weekend of rain, disappointing company and poorly prepared calamari (tasted like fried rubberbands), I am resolved to be better. I had said before that loneliness is a state of mind and not a state of being. This weekend it seems I had a lapse in memory. However, my old boss from Lincoln, NE came into the office a couple of days ago (the San Diego office, that is) and left today after a grueling 48 hours of meetings. On his way out, he asked me how I was doing in my new position in life. I thought it was an odd sort of way to put it, but I did a split second analysis and responded "I'm doing great. I love it here.", and I was a little shocked to hear myself saying it. But as he smiled, gave me my first hug in weeks, and walked away, rolling suitcase following behind, I realized that only a small part of me wanted to follow him back to Lincoln. I wasn't ready to leave. I'm not ready to leave. I won't be ready to leave here for quite some time. And guess what? I don't have to.
Between finishing my first book since October, letting my nails grow long, watching movies I didn't have time or money to see in the theaters and feeling the exhilaration of being somewhere new every single morning as I drive to work -- I knew that this place is good for me. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's good for my soul, but I'd go farther than saying it is good for my spirit. This place is good for my spirit.

P.S. So no one sues the pants off me, this photo is courtesy of Getty images


Resa said...

Oh wow, and what an amazing pic at that, it is perfect for this entry! I remember that beginning feeling all too clearly. It is true that it is a time to be unhurried, to do a lot of things you have wanted to do, it's time to be slow and have time to choose what you like and discover what you love.
No as much as everyone would call for you to come back, it's true you don't have to. You can have all types of emotions and and wonders and still stay, they can coexist.
I know there will be unique adventures ahead as all new places and seasons hold, so much new discovery and questions . I hope you find some fun connections soon. I am glad a NE hug was delivered.

L the mom said...

Meg, thanks for the comments on my blog. It's reassuring to know that someone is reading what I'm writing...or at least trying to write. (After all Heather is the writer in this family!)
I enjoy visiting your page, sounds like you are acclimating rather well. Way to go girl! Enjoy some sunshine for me, we have NO sun around here these days!
L the mom