Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Laughing With God

I don't know how Regina Spektor intended this song to be taken, but from where I stand, this rings true to me.

It's so easy for me to make God a god of convenience contingent on my human circumstances so He can fit into my neat little god boxes when I need him to. He needs to be big and all encompassing when my loved one is sick, he needs to be small and invisible when it's inconvenient to do the right thing and I blew it. He needs to be quiet when I want something so badly I don't care if even He's against it, He needs to be loud and reassuring when I'm curled up and crying begging him to tell me it'll be okay.

God's love and presence is constant and it's almost too much to bear so it's easy for me to want to make Him seem absurd and irrelevant instead of indispensable and omnipotent. Does he actually go inside my "absurd box" or "irrelevant box" when I want Him to? Of course not. Does He jump up and give me exactly what I want when I ask for it? He's not Santa Claus or Jimminy Cricket.

I can laugh at God in my own way and pretend He isn't what He is, but His identity doesn't change because of it. He is still "I Am." Does He laugh at me for being weak and foolish? No. I imagine Him watching me strain in futility, fight with all my might, and still crumple in a heap after getting nowhere. But because He chooses to love me instead of chuck me and because I know how foolish I've been and how good He is, we laugh together. I'm laughing with God.

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